LOTR Books: Line By Line

[bacon]

Hobbits: Hurray! Hurray! Many Happy Returns!

[ladyrwhen]

Bilbo: I hope you are all enjoying yourselves as much as I am

[DDL]

Bilbo:

I shall not keep you long. I have called
you all together for a Purpose.

Indeed, for Three Purposes! First of all, to tell you that I am immensely fond of you all, and that eleventy-one years is too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits.

I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Secondly, to celebrate my birthday. Cheers again. I should say: OUR birthday. For it is, of course, also the birthday of my heir and nephew, Frodo. He comes of age and into his inheritance today.

OOC: You get the small part.

[ladyrwhen]

Junior Hobbits: Frodo! Frodo! Jolly Old Frodo!

[DDL]

OOC: I see how it is...leaving me the long parts. Anyways, I have an interruption before I can post the long one.



BILBO: Together we score one hundred and forty-four. Your numbers were chosen to fit this remarkable total: One Gross, if I may use the expression.

[bacon]

Hobbits: One Gross Indeed! Vulgar expression.

[DDL]

Bilbo:

It is also, if I may be allowed to refer to ancient history, the anniversary of my arrival by barrel at Esgaroth on the Long Lake; though the fact that it was my birthday slipped my memory on that occasion. I was only fifty-one then, and birthdays did not seem so important. The banquet was very splendid, however, though I had a bad cold at the time, I remember, and could only say ‘thag you very buch’. I now repeat it more correctly: Thank you very much for coming to my little party.

Thirdly and finally, he said, I wish to make an ANNOUNCEMENT. I regret to announce that — though, as I said, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to spend among you — this is the END. I am going. I am leaving NOW. GOOD-BYE!

[ladyrwhen]

I am NOT letting this die!


Various Guests: He's mad. I always said so.

[bacon]

Rory Brandybuck: There's something fishy in this, my dear! I believe that mad Baggins is off again. Silly old fool. But why worry? He hasn't taken the vittles with him.

[ladyrwhen]

Bilbo: Hullo! I wondered if you would turn up.

[bacon]

Gandalf: I am glad to find you visible. I wanted to catch you and have a few final words. I suppose you feel that everything has gone off splendidly and according to plan?

[ladyrwhen]

Bilbo:Yes I do. Though that flash was surprising; it quite startled me, let alone the others. A little addition of your own I suppose?

[DDL]

Gandalf:

‘It was. You have wisely kept that ring secret all these years, and it seemed to me necessary to give your guests something else that would seem to explain your sudden vanishment.’

[bacon]

Bilbo: And would spoil my joke. You are an interfering old busybody, but I expect you know best, as usual.

[DDL]

Gandalf:

‘I do — when I know anything. But I don’t feel too sure about this whole affair. It has now come to the final point. You have had your joke, and alarmed or offended most of your relations, and given the whole Shire something to talk about for nine days, or ninety-nine more likely. Are you going any further?’

[bacon]

Bilbo: Yes, I am. I feel I need a holiday, a very long holiday, as I have told you before. Probably a permanent holiday: I don't expect I shall return. In fact, I don't mean to, and I have made all arrangements.

[DDL]

OOC: You didn't finish it..

Bilbo:

'I am old, Gandalf. I don’t look it, but I am beginning to feel it in my heart of hearts. Well-preserved indeed! Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. That can’t be right. I need a change, or something.’

[bacon]

Bleh. What's the ooc thing for? There's no in character!

Gandalf: No, it does not seem right. No, after all I believe your plan is probably the best.

[DDL]

OOC: I meant it to be Out Of Context.

Bilbo:

‘Well, I’ve made up my mind, anyway. I want to see mountains again, Gandalf — mountains; and then find somewhere where I can rest. In peace and quiet, without a lot of relatives prying around, and a string of confounded visitors hanging on the bell. I might find somewhere where I can finish my book. I have thought of a nice ending for it: and he lived happily ever after to the end of his days.’

[bacon]

Well, you really don't need it.

Gandalf: I hope he will. But nobody will read the book, however it ends.

[DDL]

OOC: Yes we do..it makes everything neater.


Bilbo:

‘Oh, they may, in years to come. Frodo has read some already, as far as it has gone. You’ll keep an eye on Frodo, won’t you?’

[bacon]

Gandalf: Yes, I will - two eyes, as often as I can spare them.

[DDL]

OOC: We aren't even out of the first chapter.


Bilbo:

‘He would come with me, of course, if I asked him. In fact he offered to once, just before the party. But he does not really want to, yet. I want to see the wild country again before I die, and the Mountains; but he is still in love with the Shire, with woods and fields and little rivers. He ought to be comfortable here. I am leaving everything to him, of course, except a few oddments. I hope he will be happy, when he gets used to being on his own. It’s time he was his own master now.’

[bacon]

Gandalf: Everything? The ring as well? You agreed to that, you remember.

[DDL]

OOC: What's the about?


Bilbo:

‘Well, er, yes, I suppose so.’

[bacon]

The ooc thing is driving me insane.

Gandalf: Where is it?

[DDL]

OOC: But you're already insane.


Bilbo:

‘In an envelope, if you must know. There on the mantelpiece. Well, no! Here it is in my pocket! Isn’t that odd now? Yet after all, why not? Why shouldn’t it stay there?’

[bacon]

I'm about ready to treat the phrase ooc like I did ''yah''.

Gandalf: I think, Bilbo, I should leave it behind. Don't you want to?

[DDL]

OOC: Huh? "Yeah." Stupid word filter..


Bilbo:

‘Well yes — and no. Now it comes to it, I don’t like parting with it at all, I may say. And I don’t really see why I should. Why do you want me to? You are always badgering me about my ring; but you have never bothered me about the other things that I got on my journey.’

[bacon]

Gandalf: No, but I had to badger you. I wanted the truth. It was important. Magic rings are well magical; and they are rare and curious. I was professionally interested in your ring, you may say; and I still am. I should like to know where it is, if you go wandering again. Also I think you have had it quite long enough. You won't need it anymore, Bilbo, unless I am quite mistaken.