Post by bacon on Sept 27, 2005 22:56:59 GMT -5
I didn't write this.
Since Titanic passed Star Wars as the biggest box office hit in North American cinema, I thought I would take a moment and compare the trilogy to the big T. I was surprised by the similarities. Such as:
Star Wars: female lead- a feisty young rich girl named Princess Leia
Titanic: female lead- a feisty young rich girl named Rose
Advantage: Titanic. Kate would have looked better in the gold bikini.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: male lead- a star gazing young Tatooine farm boy filled with wanderlust named Luke Skywalker.
Titanic: male lead- a star gazing Wisconsin farm boy filled with wanderlust named Jack Dawson.
Advantage: Titanic. Luke was a whiny little punk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: Luke is taught the difference between right and wrong and good and evil by a shriveled-up, wrinkled, 900 year old puppet named Yoda.
Titanic: Gloria Stuart
Advantage: Star Wars in a close one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: an evil henchman called Boba Fett.
Titanic: an evil henchman called Lovejoy.
Advantage: Star Wars. You'll never catch me wearing Lovejoy Underoos.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: many background characters are cardboard props or have really bad accents.
Titanic: Fabrizio and Tommy Ryan.
Advantage: Push.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: a big hairy creature called Chewbacca
Titanic: Lewis Bodine
Advantage: Star Wars. Would Lewis Bodine pull someone's arm out of their socket if he didn't get his way?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: bizarre love triangle of Han, Luke, and Leia.
Titanic: bizarre love triangle of Jack, Cal, and Rose.
Advantage: Titanic. The incestuous kiss between Luke and Leia in the Empire Strikes Back only plays well in Arkansas.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: slimy, untrustworthy, greedy character named Lando Calrissian.
Titanic: slimy, untrustworthy, greedy character named J. Bruce Ismay.
Advantage: Push. Lando may have tried to redeem himself, but I still hate him as much as Ismay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: Han Solo flies a big hunk of junk that is constantly under repair and never works right called the Millennium Falcon.
Titanic: well...the Titanic.
Advantage: Star Wars. The Falcon never sank.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: a humongous, bulbous, gelatinous slug named Jabba the Hutt.
Titanic: Molly Brown.
Advantage: Titanic. Molly has better manners.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: the famous Mos Eisley Cantina scene, where we meet the most disgusting dregs of the galaxy. As Obi Wan Kenobi said: "You will never find a more wretched hive of villainy and scum."
Titanic: the 3rd class steerage party.
Advantage: Star Wars. Greedo kicks ass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: Han Solo splits open Taun Taun's stomach and puts Luke inside the beast's guts to keep him warm.
Titanic: an iceberg splits open the Titanic's hull and 1500 people end up in the North Atlantic and freeze to death.
Advantage: Star Wars. Luke lived.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: the embodiment of evil is a black clad cyborg with a deep voice named Darth Vader.
Titanic: Caledon Hockley
Advantage: Star Wars in a big way. Compared to Vader, Cal is a pansy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: the Force.
Titanic: love.
Advantage: Titanic. Although the Force would come in handy picking up chicks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So there you have it. Take it for what you will. There are some interesting similarities. Coincidence? I think not!
The End
Since Titanic passed Star Wars as the biggest box office hit in North American cinema, I thought I would take a moment and compare the trilogy to the big T. I was surprised by the similarities. Such as:
Star Wars: female lead- a feisty young rich girl named Princess Leia
Titanic: female lead- a feisty young rich girl named Rose
Advantage: Titanic. Kate would have looked better in the gold bikini.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: male lead- a star gazing young Tatooine farm boy filled with wanderlust named Luke Skywalker.
Titanic: male lead- a star gazing Wisconsin farm boy filled with wanderlust named Jack Dawson.
Advantage: Titanic. Luke was a whiny little punk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: Luke is taught the difference between right and wrong and good and evil by a shriveled-up, wrinkled, 900 year old puppet named Yoda.
Titanic: Gloria Stuart
Advantage: Star Wars in a close one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: an evil henchman called Boba Fett.
Titanic: an evil henchman called Lovejoy.
Advantage: Star Wars. You'll never catch me wearing Lovejoy Underoos.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: many background characters are cardboard props or have really bad accents.
Titanic: Fabrizio and Tommy Ryan.
Advantage: Push.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: a big hairy creature called Chewbacca
Titanic: Lewis Bodine
Advantage: Star Wars. Would Lewis Bodine pull someone's arm out of their socket if he didn't get his way?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: bizarre love triangle of Han, Luke, and Leia.
Titanic: bizarre love triangle of Jack, Cal, and Rose.
Advantage: Titanic. The incestuous kiss between Luke and Leia in the Empire Strikes Back only plays well in Arkansas.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: slimy, untrustworthy, greedy character named Lando Calrissian.
Titanic: slimy, untrustworthy, greedy character named J. Bruce Ismay.
Advantage: Push. Lando may have tried to redeem himself, but I still hate him as much as Ismay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: Han Solo flies a big hunk of junk that is constantly under repair and never works right called the Millennium Falcon.
Titanic: well...the Titanic.
Advantage: Star Wars. The Falcon never sank.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: a humongous, bulbous, gelatinous slug named Jabba the Hutt.
Titanic: Molly Brown.
Advantage: Titanic. Molly has better manners.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: the famous Mos Eisley Cantina scene, where we meet the most disgusting dregs of the galaxy. As Obi Wan Kenobi said: "You will never find a more wretched hive of villainy and scum."
Titanic: the 3rd class steerage party.
Advantage: Star Wars. Greedo kicks ass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: Han Solo splits open Taun Taun's stomach and puts Luke inside the beast's guts to keep him warm.
Titanic: an iceberg splits open the Titanic's hull and 1500 people end up in the North Atlantic and freeze to death.
Advantage: Star Wars. Luke lived.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: the embodiment of evil is a black clad cyborg with a deep voice named Darth Vader.
Titanic: Caledon Hockley
Advantage: Star Wars in a big way. Compared to Vader, Cal is a pansy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars: the Force.
Titanic: love.
Advantage: Titanic. Although the Force would come in handy picking up chicks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So there you have it. Take it for what you will. There are some interesting similarities. Coincidence? I think not!
The End
That's just hilarious 
